There are moments in life when words feel both completely inadequate and absolutely necessary at the same time. This letter is one of those moments. It is written for my daughter, Amy Whitear, not because I expect her to read it today or tomorrow, but because some things deserve to be said, written down, and remembered so this is a letter wrote for you many years ago knowing you will never see it.

Amy, this letter is for you.

Amy I’m writing this letter knowing this is a letter you will probably never get to read. But sometimes in life you have to come to realization of the mistakes and errors you have made in your life and no matter what you do and how much you want to things cant fixed.

Now as much as people in my own family tell me i should forget about you leave you in my past this is one thing i cannot do. As i have always everyday of my life with the view that you must be true to yourself no matter what the cost to yourself will be.

Many people will say to me how much are you willing to sacrifice and how much are you willing to loose, are you willing to loose everything? and the simplest answer to the question every time is every year when I get family portraits done of all my children there is always a gap which keeps me pushing on.

Now I could blame everybody for why I haven’t been around but I have to take accountability for my own actions and over the years have i done enough to try and find you probably not could i have done more yes i could of by getting myself a lawyer, but didn’t want you to have the childhood that I had by resenting your parents and being used as a pawn.

To answer did i ever try and find you i have previously spoken with lawyers but i could never afford there fees I contacted your mother on numerous occasions but she would always refuse to let me get in contact and i contacted 2 members of your family who would refuse to respond.

Now all i can really hope is oneday you get to read this short letter and are able to forgive me for my failings in towards yourself and your mother and make amends if it is in this lifetime or the next.